January 31st marked a year since I had a miscarriage. It was harder on me emotionally then I had ever dreamed it would be. I found myself feeling selfish for wanting my baby back, especially when I have Breeana, Jarrett, and we will meet Sawyer in a few short days. However I believe life begins at conception and even though I was only pregnant for 10 short weeks, I fell in love with my baby just as I did with Bree, Jarrett, and now Sawyer, and my heart aches for the baby I never got to hold.
I was reading a friends blog (her son Trevor Mark was born just shy of 18 weeks) and she had posted this poem. I think it pretty much sums up my feelings and probably the feelings of any mom who has experienced a miscarriage.
For those few weeks-I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks-I came to know you...and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks-When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,plans, dreams and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night over a tiny,
unfinished baby,or get depressed
and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer and give me
a small glimpse of eternity.
By Susan Erling Martinez
A poem about Miscarriage